My intentional word for this week is: CREATIVITY

It’s been 2 weeks since my beloved left his body. I have stepped into a 30-day Mourning period – today is day six.

In Judaism the first 30 days after Shiva are called Shloshim. Shiva means seven and refers to a seven-day period of formalized mourning by immediate family. It usually begins after burial and is complete after the morning service (Shacharit) on the seventh day.

I am not traditional in any way, and neither was Wayne. He was raised Catholic. I am Jewish and feel deeply connected to my roots. I practice my Judaism in my own way and I am choosing to honour him, and myself and my grieving, by bringing the mourning tradition into my own grieving journey. As I write this I realize that this is a creative way of being with my grief.

The First 30 Days of Mourning in Judaism is called Shloshim (Hebrew for 30). Traditionally it is counted from the day of burial. I am going to count it from 8 September 2021, directly after the initial 7 days. I felt I needed to go into an intentional period of mourning him and taking deep care of myself.

So how do we bring CREATIVITY into life when we are in a place of sadness, experiencing loss, feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope? These are the challenging times where we need to connect deeper with our own wisdom and trust ourselves.

Edward de Bono says: “Creativity involves breaking out of expected patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” The expected patterns that we need to navigate in life, and in death, can put pressure and stress on us to do things that do not feel right for us. That pressure can cause us anxiety, stress and overwhelm.

Honouring our own creativity as a source of energy to do things our own way gives us the courage and the strength to show up authentically. When we are faced with a difficult choice and have to make a stand for Truth, it’s our creative energy and trust in our own knowing, that allows us to walk our own journey. It brings in the ethical value of ‘Do No Harm’ – to others for sure, but more importantly for ourselves.

For this week as you set your intention to allow your CREATIVITY to flow, give yourself permission to take care of yourself in your own way, and love yourself for putting yourself first and foremost in your life.

Take some time each day to breathe into your whole body, connect with your unique heartbeat, your inner rhythm, and listen to the whisperings of your Soul. Allow your creativity to BE !

Be always blessed

Nidhi-Amanda 

The first quarter of my life set the context for me to start to grow and develop my own authenticity and healing. I have had a challenging life and journey, and it is because of this that I am able to really walk with my clients in the open-hearted and grounded way that I do.  I survived an alcoholic father, a dysfunctional and hypercritical mother, and stepped into an abusive and violent marriage at the age of 20. By the age of 24 I was a struggling single mother. Through my deep spiritual connection with the Divine, I started to rebuild and recreate myself based on my own set of rules and code of ethics.

Context and inspiration

From a very young age, growing up in the 1960’s & 1970’s, I started to notice human rights abuses and the levels of inequality and abuse within the society I was living.  When I was 5 or 6, I remember seeing policemen beating an older black man and when I asked my father to stop it, I was told to be quiet and stop looking out of the car window.  This broke my heart. I remember screaming inside, not being able to express how this had affected me. Other memories were of police coming to the white, privileged neighbourhood, and removing visiting spouses or boyfriends and children from the domestic workers’ shacks at the back of affluent houses – what hurt me the most was that children could not live with their mothers, and were removed. How those women held this inside, put on their starched overalls and come into our homes to clean and take care of us children was something that I could never understand. I did not have the words to express how this affected me, but I knew in every cell of my being that this was wrong.

Internal Resilience

One thing that I have always possessed is a strong internal resilience and the ability to rise above adversity, to be one with anyone in a non-judgemental and loving way, and to accept others exactly as they are.  I believe that this has come from my deep resonance with God and the divinity of Mother Nature and have always felt supported and loved, even in the darkest and most frightening experiences of my life. This contributes to the innate wisdom I hold and to my ability to be empathetic and real with whomever I work and connect with, irrespective of their diversity or socio-economic status.  

Meeting drumming

During the second quarter of my life, whilst bringing up my daughter, I had the privilege of meeting drumming as a healing and supportive tool. In 1994, as South Africa reemerged and we experienced the birth of our rainbow nation, I discovered something that has given me medicine and healing – the djembe drum.  Drumming with people from diverse backgrounds, connecting through music and rhythms, discovering and trusting my own rhythm and ability to be part of something so real, honest, and connecting, helped me to find my voice trapped inside behind self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, lack of self confidence, and immense shame and humiliation.  Drumming gave me my voice and connected me with the rhythms that emerged from my own wisdom and internal connections with the Divine.

From drumming and facilitating workshops, my sacred work started to emerge and I linked this with therapeutic practice and wisdom, where I could see that incredible power of both drumming and my own abilities to reach and touch people,and make them feel safe.  As my authentic voice and work unfolded, I started witnessing how I was making a difference, and making people see their own beauty. I started working with organisations such as Lifeline, Oasis Rehabilitation, Serenity Care, Hospice and was able to use my drumming and facilitation skills, together with my person-centred approach and deep spirituality to reach and transform.  

Growing theoretical knowledge

In the third quarter of my life, so as to give a  theoretical and therapeutic basis to the transformational work I was doing, I felt motivated to undertake further study. In 2013, at the age of 52, I began a degree in Applied Psychology which I completed in May 2016.  As I recreated myself academically, the inspiration that held me was my transformation work with communities, assisting people to regain their beauty and self-confidence. 

By adding the modules of grief and loss and somatic psychology, to my degree, my skills as a counsellor started to shine through.  Because of this, I completed my degree with a year of student counselling at SACAP, seeing clients diverse in age, gender, challenges, and socioeconomic status.  Their response to my therapeutic style and presence confirmed my path in becoming the psychosocial therapist and facilitator that I am today.  

2020 – What a year!

On 20th May 2020 I qualified as an End-of-Life (Death) Doula and have added the art of dying consciously to my list of skills and offerings.  Within Quest for Queendom, the last module is Letting go Gracefully. It works with how we can integrate dying consciously.  This is sacred work that I feel deeply connected with.

Fast forward to November 2020 and where I am right now.  My work is a manifestation of my life’s journey of healing, growth and wholeness. As I step into my Eldership, I am feeling empowered and confident in who I am. My online practice is reaching people all over the world and I am witnessing transformation and growth in my clients.  This affirms my own transformation and growth.    

The spiritual aspect of self-nurturing and self-care is the most integral.  This is how we nurture and care for our essential self and our relationship with the Divine.  What is your relationship with your Higher Purpose?  How do you honour this core aspect of who you are?

Your spiritual relationship with yourself gives you the opportunity to support, nurture and care for yourself.  When they say “go within” what does it mean?  For me it’s where I create a supportive and loving space to nurture and take care of myself at the core of my being.  Deepak Chopra speaks of “finding a rich world, streaming with thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, hopes, wishes, dreams and fears.” He also comments that no one is ‘immune to the allure of this world’ and that this is the starting point of spiritual growth. 

To support, nurture and care for yourself, I believe you need to create an inner sanctuary. This is the inner temple.  It’s your sacred inner space, your inner refuge from the world.  A space where you can connect intimately with your divinity.  All the great spiritual guides, says Deepak Chopra, have taught that there is another level of the mind where silence dominates.  This silence space is where your mind begins to shift and where you can lovingly support, nurture and care for yourself in a holy way.  Chopra continues that this shift brings about a sense of well-being and safety and when you keep experiencing this inner-silence, you experience peace, joy and bliss. The meaning of ‘going inside’ is the unfolding of true self.

“In a world where the to-do lists never seem to end, taking a pause to go within and reflect is like giving your soul a breath of much-needed fresh air.” Lizzie Pereira.

To end our series of posts on self-nurturing and self-care, I would like to offer you a special process to create your inner sanctuary. The sacred place inside where you can go and be with yourself. 

You need a comfortable and quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.  Sit or lie and make sure you feel warm and peaceful.  Take a deep breath and close your eyes. As you breathe become still and centred with yourself.  If you mind wanders, return your focus onto your breath.  Find a still, quiet place within.  This is the container that holds you in a place of deep connection with your Higher Power. This is your inner sanctuary, the quiet place at the centre of your being.  Stay in this space, connected with your breath. There is nothing to do. The only place to be is here, now. 

Fill your space with images, items, spirit animals, guides, gems, nature, anything that makes your sanctuary feel safe.  Your Inner Sanctuary offers you a space to retreat from the busy-ness of the world and where you can connect with what really matters to you. This is where you can check-in and renew yourself in whichever way you choose. Here you have the space to restore your sense of wholeness, balance and wellbeing. This is a sanctuary where you become deeply aware and connected with your true, authentic Self. This is your temple and a place you can return to whenever you need to retreat and go within.  Stay in this space for as long as you need to be there.  When you are ready become aware of your breath.  Feel your body sitting or lying.  Start to tune into the sounds around you.  Take 3 breaths into your belly, and with each out-breath become more present in the room.  

As you open your eyes, look around you.  

Gently take your journal, and write about your inner sanctuary. Allow yourself to journal your reflections, feelings and experiences of creating a supportive, nurturing and caring space within. 

Your spiritual self-nurturing and self-care holds the container that supports your mental, emotional, relational and physical nurturing and care.  Going in and connecting with your own divinity is a deep and precious gift.  This is where you honour your essential self.  Where you can practice self-compassion and self-love. The element of Spirit is Universal Love and your spiritual practice connects you with the Oneness of the Divinity of All of Life. 

Be always blessed, Nidhi-Amanda xx

Honouring and respecting your body is as important as honouring and respecting the Earth.  It seems that most of our negative energy and lack of care happens here, in the physical aspect of self-nurturing and self-care. This is more than how you physically groom and take care of yourself. It is in the narrative and judgment at the physical aspects of yourself. 

Let’s take a moment here and conduct an experiment.  Close your eyes and use your breath to become present with yourself.  Be still and try to become aware of your self-talk in this moment.  How do you speak to yourself? What is the feeling that is associated with your words? Where do you feel this narrative in your body? When you can’t manage something physically, how do you respond to yourself? 

Give yourself some time and space to be with what you discovered in this experiment.  Perhaps use your journal to make some notes.

You are bombarded with information by the media, especially now during this time.  The information is often false or fake and it impacts your body, your feelings, emotions and your soul. It’s based on fear and if you are not present and centered, it could influence much of what you believe about yourself.  The most important thing that you can do to take care and nurture yourself is to TAKE CARE OF AND NURTURE YOURSELF. To be discerning in what you take into your fragile biological system – your Body Temple.

The element of Earth represents physical sensations, our senses, patience, stability, strength, health, grounding and centredness.  It promotes peace, fertility, business success, warmth, comfort and being physical. The earth element nurtures and honours your survival instincts.  It resonates with your sense of grounding and connection with your body and the physical plane.  It has the potential to bring you health, prosperity, security and presence. This happens when you nurture and care for your body and honour it’s fragility. 

When I speak to myself using ‘holy language’, in a loving and honouring way, my body responds in flow.  When I speak to myself using harsh and critical language, I become sad, stuck, experience pain and stiffness.  When I affirm myself gently, especially when I can’t do something or make a mistake, I feel more compassion and love for who I am.  I am then able to nurture and care for myself easily.  I can allow myself space to try again and it feels so much easier.  I don’t have to tell you the outcome when the opposite happens.  Try being gentle and loving toward yourself for a few seconds.  You may be really surprised at what happens in your body and your environment. 

Caroline Myss, speaks about ‘Holy Language’. She says “Understanding the power of holy language can change your life. Holy language has the capacity to inspire you, to open your inner world to guidance, to bring you to a place of resolution, and to help you see your way through a dark night. We turn to holy language when we need healing, when we are in despair, and when we recognize we have been given a miracle. Ordinary language is simply inadequate to communicate the gratitude of the soul.” 

Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often, and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes in your self-talk. Bringing Holy Language into the way you speak to yourself will begin to change the way you affirm, honour and value your exceptional body. Self-affirmation also helps to bring relief from the effects of anxiety and stress. 

Physical Self-Nurturing and Self-Care is integral in loving yourself and your body. Using Holy Language as affirmations to speak to yourself in a loving and affirming way brings you peace and flow.  The most important aspect of nurturing and caring for yourself physically is to lovingly and kindly speak to yourself.  To encourage yourself. To allow yourself to try again and to discern what you allow into your internal world.  Changing your self-talk into a ‘holy language’ narrative is a gift of affirmation and love for who you are. It honours and respects your body and it honours and respects the Earth.  Your home. 

Be Always Blessed, Nidhi-Amanda xx

Here is a link to a talk Caroline Myss did about Holy Language:

“ Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.  Coco Chanel. 

When I think of relating with others, I know that this begins with how I am relating with myself.  When I have a healthy and loving relationship with myself then I am in alignment with my authenticity. I am then able to relate to others in a wholesome way.  

Relating with yourself is integral in becoming whole.  This allows you to explore your presence with yourself and how you connect with your authenticity.  It also helps you to check-in with the quality of  listening to your inner wisdom. Being present is a sacred act of self-nurturing and self-care. Presence is a gift of self-love.  

Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn says that when “we walk mindfully we generate peace within our body, within our consciousness.”  That when we embrace and heal the pain, sorrow and fear within us we bring peace into the world.  The core of walking mindfully is being present in each moment.  This keeps us centred in the here and the now.  The concept of mindful walking is how we are present in every aspect of our lives. When we are aware of the here and now we are able to soak in the wonders of life becoming closer to the sacred. 

The element of fire brings in joy  and contentment.  This arises from an inner awareness and appreciation of the beauty of your true self.  Taking loving care and nurturing yourself in a mindful way honours your relationship with yourself;  a relationship of wonder and curiosity. This is where you become present and in tune with who you are and what you need.  Nurturing and caring  for your own intimate relationship with yourself  gives you the opportunity to discover more of who you are.  It helps you find out what you need. It helps you to begin to listen deeply and with intention.  When you are mindful and present you can identify the worries, fears and anxiety that keep you separate and disconnected. 

Mindful listening allows you to hear your true and authentic inner voice.  This part of you often is silenced and dismissed.  This is where you may struggle with feeling heard.  How can you expect another person to hear you when you do not take the time to be quiet enough to listen to yourself?  This is a subtle aspect of caring and nurturing for yourself and is  extremely important.  

But how do you listen mindfully?  Through mindfulness practices, meditating, being in nature and journal writing.  Taking time away from your busy life to listen.  When you are able to use your breath to go within and still the mental chatter, you make space for answers to emerge. This is a simple tool to connect more deeply with yourself.  Giving you time to honour this precious relationship.

I am sharing a link to a beautiful piece of music – Grounded by Sacred Earth.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6XYGQXaMxYjUA3R5EBx4Jc?si=L57FDMiJSrmqDtNhyPNfwg

https://www.youtube.csactom/watch?v=yqd6T4chCG4

Light a candle and create a sacred space for time with YOU. Breathe into your belly and allow the music to fill your mind, your body, your heart and your soul.  Just be with this piece of music. Breathing in and breathing out, becoming present with yourself.  Here in the Now. 

Enjoy the feeling of connecting with yourself.  Honour the feelings that come up.  Give yourself this sacred time of relating with You. 

Relational Self-Nurturing and Self-Care brings you into alignment with the core of who you are.  Allowing the beauty of your authentic self to step forward and be You.  This is a sacred rite-of-passage that connects you with your true self and allows you to relate to others in a wholesome and honouring way.  This is the gift of presence and deep relationship with yourself. 

Be Always Blessed, Nidhi-Amanda xx

We have an inner world and an outer world. We have 100% control of what happens in our inner world and absolutely no control of what happens in the outer world. But we do have a choice of how to react or respond to the reality of any situation or experience. This choice can have a profound effect on our mental self care,  because our thoughts have the power to shift our wellbeing and inner peace.

Michael Singer, in his book The Untethered Soul, writes that you are not your self-concept. Your self-concept is the structure of your thoughts, emotions and self-beliefs that you create in your mind. He believes that when you realize that you are not who you think you are, your intuitive experiences within your own centre and within your true nature, awaken.  This happens when your awareness of your thoughts shifts and can remind yourself to separate your thoughts from who you really are.

Think about your life and your own inner and outer world. You only have control over your own thoughts and vision. Is there anything in your environment or that is happening in the world right now that you can really change?  How you navigate this question is integral for your mental self-care. You are 100% in control of your inner world.  What you choose to take into your thoughts and focus on is solely up to you.  Mental self-care means discerning what you allow to enter your inner world.

Focus on where you end and others begin. This is a metaphoric line between us and others or circumstances which creates a clear boundary.  Mentally drawing this line, helps you to hold what is yours in place in your life and not allow what is happening in the outer world to shift you from your centre. When you can see that what is happening in the environment or with people is really not yours, but theirs, you can then choose to respond from a place of strength. 

To see the reality clearly as it is,  is not always easy. But by honouring your own inner world and your own thoughts, you lay the foundation for deep mental self-care.

Yogi Bhajan says “your mind is a stream of thoughts, impressions, and reactions.  It is a collection of animal and human faculties under the pressure of the senses and under social pressure.  But you are not your mind.  That stream of thoughts and reactions is not you.”

The Air element represents the breath of life.  Air is the primary nutrient.  Your breath is the voice of your spirit.  It’s depth, sound, flow and rate reflect your mood.  The Hindus call the cosmic breath ‘prana’.  The Chinese believe that this cosmic breath is the energetic life force which they call ‘Qi’ meaning energy. The Air element symbolizes a vast network of vital breath.  From the winds that brought the Universe into being to the first cry of a newborn or the first breath of life (Om).  This element is connected to the mind, wisdom, spirits and the soul. 

A beautiful and simple way to take care of your mental world, to still your thoughts, and come into inner peace is through the breath.  Breathing deeply focused on your belly, filling your whole body with oxygen, brings you into presence.  When you come to a place of deep stillness in your mind, you find space to create the boundary between your inner and outer world.  With this space you can discern where you choose to place your attention.  

This allows you to be more present with your thoughts and slows your thinking allowing you to take another deep breath and still your mind. 

Mental self-care comes with awareness of  slowing down your thoughts using your breath, and choosing what you allow to bring into your internal world.

Be Always Blessed, Nidhi-Amanda xx

Take a moment with yourself.  Close your eyes and feel deep into your core. Into the space where your emotions are held.  This is your treasure chest of feelings, past and present.  Take some time there. Allow yourself to be with this part of you.  

Our emotions are precious and real. They are our teachers, mentors and guides as in how we respond to life and the many experiences we have day after day.  They are connected with our stories from our past and from our family and ancestors. The best way to understand and honour our feelings, is to allow them their space to be there and tell us what they need.

When we don’t take care of these feelings and give them their space, they can become overwhelming. They spill over into many aspects of our life.  This can cause us and those around us immense pain and create chaos in many different ways.  This does not add value to our wellbeing and is counter to our nurturing self-care.

Our emotions are the most vital and powerful force in our lives.  They trigger our feelings and create  the thoughts that play a powerful role in our behaviour and how we experience and interact in the world.   Our emotional self-nurturing and self-care is taking care of these feelings and allowing them their place to be recognized, acknowledged and affirmed.  As a mother takes loving care of her child, taking care of our feelings in a nurturing way allows them space to be there and to be contained. When we take the time to ‘mother’ and care for our feelings, and not let them get out of hand or cause us pain, we create space for managing life in a more balanced way.

The element of water is associated with emotions.  Water is often envisioned as feminine in its nature.  It has reflective qualities, like a mirror, helping us to see our true nature and our true self.  Water has the same mother qualities that we need to take care of and nurture our emotional body.  We relate to water as a metaphor for good and for soothing and also as a powerful elemental teacher. 

As I write this blog post, I am aware of my emotional body feeling vulnerable and triggered.  I love how life unfolds and we learn what we need to learn and experience in Divine Right Order.  As I write the words, I am watching to see how I cope with my emotions and if I am able to mother them, give them space to be and contain them.  The concept is a beautiful one and yet even in mothering, sometimes we lose patience and allow our own feelings to take over.  

Nurturing and taking care of our emotions is one of the most fundamental aspects of self care.  As Mel Robbins says “you can’t control how you feel, but you can always control how you act.” In the space between feeling and acting we have the ability to stop for a moment, listen to ourselves and honour what is going on.  That is often what our emotions need, space to be heard and acknowledged. This is our self-care, to recognise our triggered emotion, to hold it, give it value, and then let it go before it clouds our action.  This is empowering and so very important. This is self-care. 

Here is an exercise to create space between your emotions and your true, beautiful self:

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Breathe in and breathe out, focusing on your breath and allowing yourself to go deeper into being with yourself.  There is nothing to do right now. As you breathe, welcome any feelings that are arising. Allow them to just be there. What are they asking for?  What do they need from you to feel heard and accepted?  Give them the space to be and listen with your heart, no judgement or criticism for this expression.  

When you are ready, thank them for the gifts and tools they are presenting you with. Do you feel safe enough to let them go? Very gently and lovingly, as a mother nurtures her child, give yourself space to 

let go of what does not serve you and treasure the gifts that you identify and see. Breathe in, and breathe out and feel yourself sitting on your chair. Hear the sounds around you. Take another deep breath in, and breathe out. Move yourself in the chair. Breath in, and breath out, gently opening your eyes.

Take your journal and write down some of the lessons and gifts that came up. Honour the gifts of allowing, accepting and letting go of your emotions in a safe and self caring way.

Be Always Blessed, Nidhi-Amanda xx

When lockdown hit South Africa, I found myself in a space of deep sadness as the levels of suffering in our country became more evident.  There was no more hiding behind the busy-ness of life.  As an empath I felt the suffering and as a therapist I needed to do something.  I felt so overwhelmed and at a loss as to how to make a difference. I was witnessing great need with my clients, within the community in which I live and in the world. Feeling frozen, I went into deep prayer to ask for guidance.  

The guidance I received was very clear and simple: “ To be the exceptional therapist that you are, and offer your clients and community your strength and wisdom, you have to nurture and take care of yourself first.  Fill your own cup so that you have enough capacity to be there for others!” I had to put a deeply healing self-nurturing and self-caring routine into my daily life to support me as I counselled and cared for those who needed me.  Nurture and take care of me so that I  can guide and support others to nurture and take care themselves.  

As a psychosocial therapist I work with the medicine wheel as a container to create a safe and honouring space to explore.  The medicine wheel or circle-of-life contains ancient wisdom. It represents the continuous cycles and relationships of life: the seen and unseen, physical and spiritual, birth and death, sunrise and sunset, dark and light, night and day, and so on. 

Based on the guidance I received, filling my own cup to create more capacity  and the core of my psychosocial practice, I created a Circle of Self-Nurturing and Self-Care. 

Self-Nurturing and Self- Care is your number one priority and the utmost sacred activity and commitment for healing and growing into wholeness.  It is also the most empowering activity that you can do for yourself.  Your internal world, in its physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual form, needs nurturing, love, kindness, and respect. This is how you can create a sacred relationship with yourself and it is most important and integral for your spiritual essence.  Having a daily practice, where you nurture and take loving care of yourself, needs to be your top priority.  

Right now we are in such overwhelming and uncertain times with the Corona Virus and many are experiencing ‘lock-down fatigue’.  There are increased physical, mental and economic health challenges as well as financial chaos and a very present fear of the unknown.  The purpose of the six posts I have committed to write, is to go deeper into Self-Nurturing and Self -Care.  The intention is to find simple ways to transform the feelings of fear, isolation, uncertainty and the deep vulnerability that may present at this point of time.  

The circle of Self-Nurturing and Self-Care offers an inner journey of exploring the psychosocial aspects of who you are.  Each aspect is important and integral in our lives and impacts our relationships, our work, and how we respond to life’s challenges.  Most importantly this impacts our primary relationship with ourselves. In these posts I will highlight each aspect and share tools that shift awareness and focus, adding value to nurturing and caring for ourselves.  

In the coming posts we will explore the following aspects:

Mental – thoughts and your inner and outer world – the element of air.

Emotional – mothering our feelings – feeling safe to let them go – the element of water.

Relational – quality of presence with yourself and others – deep listening – the element of fire.

Physical – body temple – caring and loving self-talk – practising holy language – the element of earth.

Spiritual – essential, higher Self – creating your own inner sanctuary – the element of Spirit.

This is a sacred journey that goes to the depth of your inner world.  This circle of Self-Nurturing and Self-Care focuses on your mental, emotional, social, physical, and spiritual health and wellbeing.  Having linked it with the psychosocial aspects of self-nurturing and self-care, I hope to provide a sacred holding space for you as you go on this adventure with me.